Part 3: What is Crippling You?

Get rid of the cup:

Acts 3: 2-8

"Now a man who was lame from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts."

The issue with self-esteem is that a man’s view of himself is implicit in his choices, desires, goals, and values. There is no domain in his life that remains unencumbered by his self-appraisal. It is imperative that a man maintains a view of himself that is appropriate to reality lest he put himself in a harmful and damaging position. A negative view of oneself can be life-negating, paralyzing, and crippling. In the story of the Book of Acts, we see a lame man at the temple gate called Beautiful.

The irony in the text is that the man is placed every morning at a gate called Beautiful, which I think was uncharacteristic of what was going on internally, as he was placed there to beg, to ask for alms. Perhaps it was God’s providence, God’s way of reminding him that there was more to himself than his meager circumstances, that there was still beauty within him.

The man was only grappling with one condition; He was lame. A single condition that ended up crippling the rest of his life. A single condition that affected every part of his life, rendering him ineffective and placing him at the mercy of the people surrounding him. It affected his relationships as he was constantly overlooked and rejected because of his condition. He could never be involved in a relationship for what he could give, but rather for what he could receive. He had to be a leech sucking blood, making everybody else around him bleed just so he could survive. Even when he needed to go somewhere, he had to be carried. His finances too were affected, as he did not work, but he begged for his own survival. It affected his future because he could not plan beyond his circumstances, beyond people’s willingness and ability to carry him.

His reality was determined by the people around him, by what they would put in the cup, or by where and when they will carry him. He was totally reliant on others to survive, unable to rely on his own tools for survival, unable to use his own body productively and to use his mind to be creative.

Sometimes we are like the lame man when we struggle with issues of self-esteem. We have forgotten the inner beauty within us, as we have associated with only negative views of ourselves. These negative views of ourselves, the low self-esteem have become a form of psychological lameness that immobilizes all areas of our lives, including our future and our dreams. We have come to accept an appraisal of ourselves that we are not good enough.

Evaluating, or appraising ourselves as not being enough, can cripple us into all sorts of areas including love, ambitions, and even relationships. It can cripple and immobilize our dreams because we tend to easily give up on them, on ourselves, because we lack the necessary self-confidence needed to do what it takes to attain our objectives. We do not trust our minds enough to stick through anything.

Furthermore, self-esteem can cripple us in love, because self-esteem also means that I believe I am not lovable, and whatever I believe I tend to act out. Hence, if I believe I am not lovable, I will act unlovable, self-sabotaging my attempts at love. Then, when the relationship fails, I will thus confirm the initial opinion I had formed about myself that I was not lovable. My poor self-concept will inevitably short-circuit anything I will try to achieve.

Also, not feeling good enough and competent for the challenges of life, will make one seek others' approval to make them approve of themselves. Just like the lame guy whose reality was defined by people, the low-self-esteem individual will have their reality defined outside of their mind, by others, tugging with feelings of unworthiness places one at the mercy of people’s validation, or rejection. Therefore, because these factors cannot be controlled, it puts them at risk of chronic insecurities and pathological anxieties. Reality is that which is defined by others, truth is that which is defined by others, so one has no choice but to avail themselves, almost belonging to others so they can feed and carry their self-inflicted lameness and blindness.

"3 When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. 4 Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said, “Look at us!” 5 So the man gave them his attention, expecting to get something from them. 6 Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” 7 Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong. 8 He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God."

Peter and John did something rather interesting concerning the lame man. They refused to feed him, to feed his lameness, his pathology, by refusing to give him gold and silver. They would not feed his lameness as everybody else had been doing. The lame man was either overlooked because of his condition, or people fed his condition by putting money into the cup. It is the same with us that are struggling with feelings of unworthiness. Low self-esteem has led us to be overlooked at some point because it has made us look unattractive to others.

However, sometimes people have nurtured that low self-esteem as well. They have nourished it by indulging, and enabling the mechanism we have set in motion to gain validation and approval as substitutes for authentic self-worth, self-respect-self-esteem. Self-esteem is an inner concept that should not be predicated on anything external, but when we do not have it, we tend to fake it. When we do not have inner self-value, we tend to attach value to outer things.

Sometimes we come up with an external mechanism to fill the void on the inside. Some will result in substance abuse, others will jump from one relationship to the next to fill a void that cannot be filled outwardly, to tame voices that can only be muted on the inside. And people have fed that lameness, that hunger. We may have slept around to feel loved, validated, and approved, to feel connected to life and the universe, to feel a little less alienated and inadequate for life.

Sex might have been the cup we have been using, extending it to people passing us by to give us alms. And people have given us 2 cents of gold and silver, yet leaving us emptier than before, and leading us to come back again the next day like the beggar who was placed at the gate every single day. This because whatever they gave was never enough to satiate our hunger, our inner worlds that keep making demands every day.

So Peter ( I will paraphrase here) says to the lame man, “I will not enable you, I will not give you anything outwardly, I will not give you money” because one cannot form a good opinion of himself based on external factors that are not within his control, that are shifting all the time. External possessions, people, validation, a job, a career are not consistent enough to form a basis for self-esteem. To rely on them would be almost suicidal, to have their inner world and homeostasis unbalanced.

Peter tells him something that stirs up change within him. Because we always carry the potential of change within ourselves. We cannot remain as prisoners of past choices, or past views of ourselves. We do not have to keep begging for scraps, begging for people’s approval and invalidation; the possibility to change is always within ourselves. It is something internal that will lead us to enact change on the outside.

So Peter continues:

“I have to birth consciousness within you so that you can become conscious about the fact that you can walk, that you can throw away that cup, that crutch, and act up that consciousness by standing up getting rid of the cup, and walk.”

My life changed immensely when I became conscious of the fact that I do not have to remain trapped in negative and self-defeating beliefs. The power to change is also within us, we have this treasure in earthen vessels. We do not have to remain loyal to beliefs and patterns of habits that profit us nothing. So, stand up and walk, get rid of the cup, you deserve more because you are the dream of God.